


First Trip

by Lelila15



Series: A Collection of Firsts [10]
Category: Psycho-Pass
Genre: Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Established Relationship, M/M, Minor spoilers for Sinners of the System: Case 2
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-02-06
Updated: 2020-02-06
Packaged: 2021-02-27 19:14:43
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,601
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22590814
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Lelila15/pseuds/Lelila15
Summary: In an attempt to fix their fractured relationship, Ginoza gives Kougami a peace offering before starting their careers at the MWPSB.
Relationships: Ginoza Nobuchika/Kougami Shinya
Series: A Collection of Firsts [10]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1571860
Comments: 10
Kudos: 57





	First Trip

Kougami delivers another punishing blow to the punching bag, the unrelenting leather promising to leave red, angry welts on his already abused skin. 

It’s been a challenge avoiding Ginoza since their fight took place three weeks ago. It’s the longest they have gone without speaking to each other. Kougami didn’t grasp how ingrained Gino was into his life until he was no longer there. It’s felt like a part of him is missing, and Kougami has been trying to fill the void through rigorous exercise. He has been down in the gym every night since. 

In that time, exams have come and gone, with Kougami managing to come out two points ahead of Ginoza’s score, guaranteeing them both entry into the MWPSB. He has already been contacted by a recruiter from the PSB’s Career Instruction Center, with directions on what to expect during his time there. His orders are to report for orientation in exactly one week’s time, and he knows Gino will be there as well. 

He supposes anyone else would be out celebrating, not delivering blow after blow to an inanimate object, wishing it could hit him back. 

He’s graduated at the top of this class and landed a promising career, and yet he doesn’t feel any excitement or elation about any of it. All he can think about is Ginoza, and where it all went wrong, which he still has yet to figure out. 

He’s gone over the words leading up to their fallout so many times he can hardly recall what was actually said anymore. All he can say for certain is what he thought would be happy news about him also wanting to become an Inspector turned out to be the worst thing he could possibly say. He is at a total loss as to why.

Then, inevitably, the worst sentence he’s ever heard goes through his mind; _“I don’t feel for you what you feel for me.”_ The floor always falls out from underneath him each time he listens to those words cycle through his head, even though he knows they aren’t true.

He knows, because Gino has already told him he loves him. 

It happened two weeks prior to their fight. Kougami had woken up early, with Gino lying fast asleep in his arms. Usually they separate throughout the night, but this night Gino clung to him, refusing to let go. With his left arm wrapped around Gino’s back, he lifted his right hand and lightly ran his fingertips across Gino’s forehead, wisps of hair caressing his skin. With all of his defenses completely lowered, Kou realized just how young and beautiful Gino really was. His facial features were completely relaxed, the hard lines that normally creased between his brows were gone. It was moments like these Kougami secretly cherished. 

Kougami trailed his fingers down Gino’s cheek and across his lips, keeping his touch feather-light. Then Gino stirred, burying his face further into Kougami’s bare chest. Kougami lifted his hand and paused his movements, hoping his exploration didn’t wake him. As Gino settled into a more comfortable position, eyes never opening, Kougami heard him mutter, “I love you, Kou. I love you so much,” and then he was sleeping soundly again.

Kougami remembers a feeling of absolute euphoria soaring through his chest. Never would he have thought that someone like Gino would come to love him. But he did, he had the proof, and it was in that moment Kougami realized just how much he truly loved him back. All they had needed was for one of them to say it out loud. 

Only Gino doesn’t remember saying it out loud, and therein lies his current predicament. 

Up until their fight, Kougami had been endlessly planning how he was going to tell Gino he loves him, so much so he had his ideal scenario played out in his mind. They would be together, ideally somewhere overlooking a waterway, when they received their tests scores. They would congratulate each other with a warm embrace and lasting kiss, neither caring who would be around to see. Then Kou would tell Gino about also wanting to become an Inspector. Gino would have been surprised at first, but then he would try to hide an elated smile. Kou would then make a lame joke about how they would be fighting crime side-by-side. Feeding off of Kougami’s energy, Gino would make a sarcastic remark that would bring even bigger smiles to both of their faces. That would have been the moment he told Gino he loved him. Gino would have looked him in the eye and said he loved him, too, and that’s all the further his perfect-world fantasy had gotten. 

Then Kougami thinks about Gino’s actual reaction to his words, and how he never pictured him reacting that way at all. And the words he said soon after, _“Nobody ever stays together, Kougami,”_ which sounded like they came from a place of hurt, rather than true conviction.

He wants to talk to Ginoza about all of it so badly, but every time he gets the courage to contact him, he stops himself the moment before he does. He’s just not ready to even look at Ginoza yet, which he knows he’s going to have to do regardless in one week’s time. 

“I hope it’s not me you’re picturing in place of that bag, Kougami.” 

And just like that, the decision as to when he was going to see Ginoza again was made for him. 

Kougami delivers two more powerful blows to the punching bag before he turns to face him, breathing hard from exertion. Ginoza is standing in the doorway, looking as if he’s waiting for permission to enter, even though they’re in a public area. Kou takes a moment to catch his breath before he walks over to a nearby bench where he placed his towel, phone and water bottle. “What do you want, Ginoza?” His own words sound strange to him. He thought they would sound angry and demanding, instead they just sound tired and defeated.

Ginoza takes his acknowledgement as permission to move closer. “I saw your test scores,” he begins carefully, “and wanted to congratulate you. Nicely done.” 

Kougami takes a long drink from his water bottle, trying to calm his racing heart. Whether it’s racing from the workout or Gino’s presence has yet to be determined. “You’re not upset I did better than you?” 

“Not at all,” Gino answers immediately. He pinches the frame of his glasses to adjust them and says, “If I’m entirely honest, I had a feeling you would.” 

“Well, we both know how honest you can be when it comes to your feelings towards me, now, don’t we?” 

Kougami knows he will regret those words later, especially when he sees Gino visibly flinch. However, right now, he enjoys the swirl of satisfaction that stirs in his gut. 

Gino chooses to say nothing to his snarky comment. Rather, he stops his progression towards him and asks, “I assume you still plan to become an Inspector?” 

Kou knows what he’s really asking is if he’s going to see him at the Training Center next week. “I’ve been ordered to report next Monday.” He expects Gino to try to talk him out of it, since he’s apparently so against him joining in the first place. But if Gino’s learned anything from Kougami in the time he’s known him, then he should know that once he’s made his mind up about something, it’s nearly impossible to change it.

Gino again doesn’t say anything. Instead, he pulls out his phone and after keying in a few commands, Kougami’s own phone alerts him to a new message. He lifts his phone to see Gino sent him a train voucher, good for tomorrow only. 

Curious, Kougami asks, “What’s this?” 

“A peace offering. Since we’ll be working together, we need to come to an understanding.” 

Kougami reluctantly agrees with that statement. It would be unbearable to have to work with Gino if they couldn’t reach some sort of resolution. “But why a train ticket?” 

Gino sighs wearily and raises his hand to adjust his glasses once more. Kougami can see his fingers tremble ever so slightly as they push the already perfectly placed frames back into place. “I need your help, Kougami.” 

Now Kougami becomes concerned. It’s unlike him to ask for any kind of help, especially so directly. “What’s wrong, Ginoza?”

“Nothing’s wrong, I assure you,” and Kougami believes him, “but I would still like your help with… something. I can’t go into too many details, but it would mean a lot if you could be there. Will you help me?” 

Kougami doesn’t answer, thinking it over. He has no idea what Gino needs, but despite how hurt he is, he does still care for him a great deal. It’s not in his nature to turn away anyone who needs help, no matter how much bad blood may be between them. 

“Okay, I’ll help you,” he says as he sets his phone down, “but on one condition.” 

Kougami continues. “At some point, you have to explain to me what happened. Look at me,” Gino had averted his eyes. He draws them back. “I need to know why; why you reacted the way you did. If you can promise me you’ll do that, I’ll accept your peace offering.” 

Gino presses his lips together in thought. After a brief moment, he says, “I suppose I do owe you an explanation for how I reacted to what you told me…to all of what you told me.” Kou watches as he takes a deep breath, then lets it out in acquiescence. “Very well, I agree to your terms.” 

Kougami gathers up his things. “What time tomorrow?” 

“Train leaves at nine in the morning.” 

“I’ll be there.” 

Negotiations now over, Kougami feels a desperate need to escape before their meeting can become any more awkward than it already has. He brushes past Ginoza on his way out, his steps quicker than his normal gait. He’s in such a hurry to leave, it didn’t even occur to him to ask where they are going. 

*****

They arrive in Okinawa around lunchtime, but Kougami doesn’t have much of an appetite. 

The train ride had been painfully awkward, to say the least. They sat in silence nearly the entire way, saying the bare minimum to keep from having to look at each other. Kougami has learned very little as to why they are in Okinawa. When he questioned Gino about it, all he said was, “I have something I need to take care of. Your help is appreciated.” He wanted to question him further, but Kou could see how uncomfortable Gino was. Since he had already agreed to go, he chose to wait. 

As they neared their destination, Gino’s demeanor began to change, going from uncomfortable to downright restless. Anyone who didn’t know Ginoza would not have been able to pick up on the subtle change, except Kougami did know him, and he is taken aback by it. 

Gino kept glancing at the time, and Kou lost count of the number of times he adjusted his glasses. By the time the train pulled into the station, Gino was practically vibrating, but from happiness or nervousness, Kougami couldn’t tell. He has always known Gino to be so level-headed in just about any situation. What could possibly be in Okinawa that could get him so rattled?

They pick up a rental car, and within half an hour are pulling up next to a small house in the middle of a quiet neighborhood. Gino parks the car and turns off the engine, but he doesn’t let go of the steering wheel. Kougami remains silent, recognizing he needs some time to collect himself. 

After a few calming breaths, he turns to him and says, “Welcome to my home, Kougami.”

“Your home?” Kou questions as they exit the vehicle. Gino opens the trunk so they can retrieve their bags. “You grew up here?”

“I did,” Gino answers somberly, but doesn’t offer any more information. 

The front door opens, and they are greeted by a state-of-the-art medical drone. In an overly cheery voice, the drone asks Gino if he is a family member. Gino shows his ID and replies absently, “Yes, I’m family.”

The drone rolls aside, allowing both of them entry. It ignores Kougami altogether, and that suits him just fine. He takes a moment to look the drone over. He doesn’t know much about them, but he knows this one is primarily used for someone requiring continual medical care. 

He removes his shoes and places them by the door. When he turns around, he sees Gino disappear into a room located at the back of the house. 

Kougami sets down his bag and follows, taking in his surroundings. The house is small but cozy, decorated modestly without the use of holos. As he moves down the hallway, he passes a darkened room on his right. The door is slightly ajar, and as he walks by, he takes a peek inside. Kougami is able to pick out items he would expect the average teenage boy would own, along with what appears to be some sort of foreign coin collection mounted on the wall above the bed. 

He almost bumps into Gino’s back, as he is standing stock still just inside the room he entered. Over his shoulder, Kougami can see a reclined hospital bed in the center of the room, facing an outdoor garden. There is a small coffee table along with two matching wooden chairs, which are currently on either side of the bed. 

Kougami waits patiently, not wanting to intrude. He’s about to head back down the hallway, but Ginoza reaches out to grip his wrist. “Stay,” he whispers, “I need you here for this.” 

Gino releases his wrist as Kou steps beside him into the room. They stand in silence for a few moments, not moving. Breaking the tension, Kougami takes a step forward and says, “Come on, Gino, aren’t you going to introduce us?” 

He knows giving Gino a task is the best way to get him out of his own head. “Ahh, yes, of course.” As they approach, Kougami sees a woman who looks to be in her mid-forties lying in the bed. Even from across the room, the family resemblance is clear. 

Gino takes a seat with his back facing the doorway while Kougami takes the seat opposite him. “Hello, Mom, it’s good to see you,” Gino begins timidly. He takes one of his mother’s hands into his own. “I brought someone I’d like you to meet. This,” here he gestures to Kougami, “is Shinya Kougami. Kougami, I would like you to meet my mother, Sae Ginoza.”

Gino’s mother keeps her eyes looking forward, staring out into the garden. She blinks slowly and doesn’t acknowledge him or her son. She’s breathing, but her breaths are so shallow her chest barely moves. He looks at her hand in Gino’s and can see it is completely limp. 

Kougami’s heard of people who suffer from Eustress Deficiency Syndrome, but this is his first time seeing it in person. Even so, Kougami knows this is an advanced case of the disease. “It’s very nice to meet you, Ms. Ginoza. May I?” He asks Gino’s mother this, but he waits for Gino to give him permission. 

When he nods, Kou gently lifts her other hand and places it into his own. It’s so small and frail compared to his. “Has Ginoza told you we just finished school? He was one of the top graduating students, you know. Only one other student managed to come out ahead of his final test scores.” He winks at Gino when he says this, then sobers. “You should be very proud of your son.” 

Gino gives him an appreciative smile. “Actually, Kougami was that student,” he states, “which brings me to why I asked him to be here. I thought now was the perfect time for you two to meet, since it looks like he and I are going to continue to be a part of each other’s lives for the indefinite future.” 

He tightens his hold on his mother’s hand. 

“Mom, we’ve both chosen to work at the MWPSB.” His eyes dart over to Kougami. “Within a few months, we’ll be full-fledged Inspectors working in the Crime Investigation Department.” 

Gino closes his eyes briefly and takes a deep breath. “I think I know why you were so worried about me joining. I had the same reaction you did when Kou tol-umm, when Kougami told me he was also going to become an Inspector.”

“She did, huh?” Kougami questions doubtfully. 

“Well,” Gino lifts one corner of his glasses with his thumb, “maybe not the exact same reaction I did.”

Kougami leans forward. “But why…Ms. Ginoza?” He looks to her unresponsive face, while directing his questions towards Gino. “Why did you react the way you did when he told you?” 

Gino pauses to take a collecting breath. “If she could, she would tell you it was because she was…afraid.” 

“Afraid?” Kou repeats, “of what?”

“Of losing me,” Gino answers. He drops his eyes back to the hand he is now cradling between both of his. “Just like she did with my father.” 

And suddenly everything becomes crystal clear. Gino’s steadfast desire to become an Inspector, his mother’s concern, his outburst towards Kou for wanting the same thing…it all makes perfect sense now. 

“Ginoza,” Kougami begins carefully, “what did your father do before he was declared a latent criminal?”

Gino takes several moments before he lifts his gaze to meet Kougami’s. It’s the first time they have looked directly at each other in weeks. “Before the Sybil System, Dad worked as a detective for the Public Safety Bureau. When Sybil was introduced, he disagreed with it and his hue became clouded. 

“I was nine years old when he was dragged away to an undisclosed location. To this day, we have no idea where he is, or if he’s even still alive.” 

His eyes fall back to his mother’s face. “To compensate for his loss, my mother took extreme measures to make sure her own hue wouldn’t cloud. She did it so she wouldn’t be forced to leave me, too. But she still did, just in a different way.” 

Kougami wants to offer some words of comfort, but before he can, Gino continues, “Now it’s your turn to promise me one thing, Kougami.” He leans forward, trapping Kougami within his gaze, “promise you won’t leave me. If at any time your hue starts to cloud, promise me you’ll seek the proper treatment. I never want to see what happened to either of them happen to you. I couldn’t bear it.”

Kougami knows he is seeing Ginoza at his most vulnerable. He would promise him the world if he asked for it. “All right,” he replies earnestly, “I promise.”

Gino sighs heavily, bowing his head in relief. Eventually, he lifts his eyes, and with the smallest of relieved smiles gracing his lips, he says, “Thank you.” 

******

Soon after, the drone comes in and declares it’s time for Gino’s mother to rest. They make their way into the kitchen to prepare a light lunch. They sit and enjoy their meal together in companionable silence, each taking time to process what all was shared and learned since arriving at Gino’s family home. They still have a lot they need to work through, but for now, the rift that divided them for the past few weeks has shrunk.

When they finish eating, Gino places their plates in the sink. He turns to face Kougami and asks, “Would you like a tour of the house?”

“I would,” Kougami answers as he gets to his feet, “but what I would really like is for us to go out, see the area.”

Gino nods. “I think the fresh air would do us some good. Let’s go.” 

They each put on a light-weight jacket and their shoes. They decide against taking the car, choosing instead to walk. 

Within fifteen minutes, they are in a small shopping area. It’s a place tourists easily miss, but one all the locals know about. Gino points out shops he used to go to as a kid, and what all has changed since he moved to Tokyo for school. Kougami’s never been outside of Tokyo himself, so he takes in his surroundings while he listens to Gino talk and reminisce. 

As they are about to pass another shop, Gino halts to stare at something through the window. Kougami pauses his own steps to see what has caught Gino’s attention. The display over the window has advertisements scrolling for pet adoption. Peering past that, Kougami can see six puppies of varying breeds romping together in a play pen.

He turns to Gino and says, “I never pegged you as a dog person, Gino.” 

Gino glances at him out of the corner of his eye. “Are we back to using nicknames now?” 

Kougami tries to hide the faint blush he feels color his cheeks. “Well,” he says non-committedly, “sure, I suppose.” He rushes to change the subject. “Want to go in?” 

Gino looks back through the window, his eyes clearly following one puppy in particular. Instead of answering, he takes a step back and says, “Come on. There’s another place I’d like you to see.” He places his hand between Kougami’s shoulder blades, prompting him to come with him. If Gino’s hand lingers for a beat or two longer than what would be considered normal, neither one of them says anything about it. 

******

They arrive at a neighborhood park just as the sun starts to set. Far to his left, Kougami can see a few children climbing a small but elaborate play castle, their diligent parents standing nearby exchanging pleasantries. To his right are several sparse trees ready to bloom with the changing of the seasons. Straight ahead is a concrete walkway with a metal railing, overlooking the Pacific Ocean. 

He’s seen the ocean plenty of times in pictures and in videos, but this is his first time seeing it in person. Even while growing up in the concrete jungle that is Tokyo, with its gigantic skyscrapers appearing to touch the sky, never has he felt as small as he does right now. It is truly awe-inspiring to look upon something so massive.

Gino must see his child-like wonder. “Beautiful, isn’t it?” Gino says quietly. They approach the railing and lean their forearms onto it. Each takes a moment to appreciate the ocean’s quiet majesty. 

Kougami inhales the sea air deeply into his lungs. “I had no idea it would smell like this. I can practically taste the salt.”

He hears Gino chuckle knowingly beside him. “Dad used to say the same thing every time we came here.”

Seizing the opportunity, Kougami asks carefully, “Did you come here often with your Dad?”

“When he could,” Gino answers, keeping his gaze pointed towards the slowly sinking sun. “I remember him being gone most of the time because of his job, but when he was home, he would bring me and our dog Ron here.” He turns to his left. “You see those kids over there? I used to play in that exact same area, but back then there was a blue whale instead of a castle.” 

He falls silent, lost in memory. Kougami is about to ask another question, until he hears him say softly, “Guess that’s just what it means to be human. Everything changes.”

Kougami draws himself back to his full height and places his hand gently onto Gino’s shoulder to turn him. Standing face-to-face, he can see the internal struggle behind Gino’s eyes. “What is it?”

Gino searches his eyes before speaking. “You changed everything when you said you were going to become an Inspector, Kou, and I reacted poorly. I’m sorry.” 

Kougami trails his hand down Gino’s shoulder to lightly grip his bicep. Physical touch helps to ground them both. “I understand now why you did.”

“Help me understand something,” Gino says, his own hand coming to rest on Kougami’s hip, “why do you want to become an Inspector, really? And don’t say it’s because you want to stay with me. There’s more to it than that.” 

Kou hums in acknowledgement. He averts his eyes, looking back out over the ocean. The sky has already turned a burnt orange color. 

“Before meeting you, I didn’t know what I was going to do with my life. I figured I’d just do what everyone else does and wait for the Sibyl System to make the decision for me. But you changed all of that. You knew exactly what you wanted to do. And for the first time, I started asking myself what I wanted to do. As we grew closer, it didn’t take me long to figure out what that was.” 

He turns his gaze back to Gino, whose own gaze has been locked onto him. “I’m becoming an Inspector because it’s exactly what I want for myself. Through you, I’ve found my life’s purpose, in more ways than one. I can’t thank you enough for that.”

Gino blushes and looks away. “You don’t owe me anything.”

Kougami takes in the faint color now staining his cheeks. After a moment, he says, “Can I ask you something?” Gino turns his eyes back. “When you said I changed everything, what all did you mean?” 

Gino answers knowingly. “I mean between us, Kou. Everything changed between us.” 

Kougami licks his lips in thought. “Did everything change, or did the way you looked at our relationship change?” Gino furrows his brow. “I only ask because I think you had an ending in sight for this relationship, didn’t you? And now that plan has altered.” 

Gino contemplates this for several moments. Eventually he acquiesces by saying, “You’re right. I thought after school, that would be the end of it, we would each move on, and I was prepared for that. But now…” 

Kougami smiles encouragingly at him. “But now?” 

“Now, I don’t see an ending. Now, I have hope for us.” Gino inhales a deep breath, lets it out slowly. “I tried so hard to keep you at a distance, Kou, but somehow you got through. I have to know; do you want this relationship to continue?” 

Kougami doesn’t even hesitate. “More than anything. Do you?” 

Here, Gino allows his lips to pull into a genuine smile. Kougami does his best to commit it to memory. “I do. And that’s the most exciting yet terrifying thing I’ve ever experienced.” 

A feeling of elation bubbles up in Kougami’s chest, and he throws his arms around Ginoza, hugging him close. “I love you, Gino.” 

He feels Gino tense slightly in his arms. “Kou, I…”

“You don’t have to say it back,” Kougami assures him. He brings one hand up to cup Gino’s cheek, and says reassuringly, “I already know. Say it when you’re ready.” 

His body relaxing, Gino leans forward and kisses Kougami, long and sweet, one hand coming up to cradle the back of his head. Kougami kisses him just as gently, placing his full intent behind it. When the kiss ends, Gino tightens his arms around Kougami again, pressing them impossibly closer. Lips against Kou’s ear, he whispers, “I will.” 

Kougami watches in silent awe as the sun dips below the horizon. It isn’t exactly how Kou pictured this moment, he admits, but the reality is far better than the fantasy. 


End file.
